Wheelnanddealin Quickies 1
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
They drowned in Spring Training
How can you tell if a sorority girl has achieved orgasm? She drops her nail file.
What's the difference between a sorority girl and the Titanic?
Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
Q: If fathers have Father's Day, and mothers have Mother's Day,
….what do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday.
Private Lessons
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like
they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his
lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No no, no, you're
gripping the club way too hard!"
"Well, what should I do?" asks the man.
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."
The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball 250 yds.
straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news,
and the wife can't wait for her lesson.
The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says,
"No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."
"What can I do?" asks the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold
your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice,
takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway
. . . about 15 ft.
"That was great," the pro says with a straight face.
"Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing it like you're supposed to!"
The Top 10 Reasons Why Sex Is Better Than School:
10. Everbody likes sex and nobody likes school, except for virgins and only
because they haven't had sex yet.
9. Sex sucks, moans, licks, pumps, throbs etc..., school just sucks.
8. After sex you feel like smoking a cigarette. After school you feel like
smoking something a whole lot stronger.
7. You only get disciplined during sex if you want to.
6. Drinking drives people to sex, whereas school drives people to drink.
5. Sex releives stress, school is the cause of stress.
4. Nothing beats the "hands on" experience you get with sex.
3. After sex you feel like you have accomplished something.
2. Sex is cheaper. Even if you have to pay for a hooker, it is still
cheaper than paying thousands of dollars in tuition.
1. At least you have a choice whether or not you want to have sex.
At school your teachers screw you regardless!!!
'Was your wife a virgin when you married?'
'I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.'
There was a blonde who was hurting all over so she went to the doctor.
The doctor said, "Where are you hurting?"
She said, "Everywhere. See?"
She touched her arm and said, "OUCH!"
She touched her leg and, "OUCH!"
She touched her nose, "OUCH!"
"See?" she cried, " I am hurting all over!"
The doctor laughed and said, "What you've got is a broken index finger!"
QUICKIES: 1.How Do You Catch A Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.
How Do You Catch A Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
2.What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long? Polaroid's
3.Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.
4.How Are A Texas Tornado And A Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
What did Clinton say when Paula Jones went public with her story?
NOW she decides to open her mouth
Some time after their bitter divorce, a man happened to pull up
alongside his ex-wife at a traffic signal. He shouted over, "So...
out looking for a little, huh ?"
She smiled sweetly and said, "No, I had 6 years of that with you. I'm
out looking for a lot !!!"
What's a definition of a gynecologist?
Gynecologist is a person who looks for problems in a place where most
people find pleasure
There were these two trees, a birch and a beech, who lived side by side and
were pretty good friends. One day the birch says to the beech,
"Hey, I see a new tree over there. Is that a son of a beech?"
"I don't think so. Do you think it's a son of a birch?" his friend replied.
They discussed this for some time but could come to no conclusion.
Finally they spotted a woodpecker flying by and asked him if he could help
resolve their dilemna.
"Sure", he said and flew over to the new tree. He flew up one side and
down the other, checking the new tree out, to no avail.
He flew to the top and looked down and then flew and landed on
the ground. Still no dice. He thought to himself, I better go drum on this
for awhile. And so he did.
RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT!
Finally he flew back over to the other two trees and said,
"Well, I've got some bad news for you two; it's neither a birch nor a beech.
But I'll tell you one thing; it's the finest piece of ash this
ol' pecker's seen in a long time!"
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