Wheelnanddealin Men, Women, and Aging
Men, Women, and Aging
Middle age can be a time of tremendous growth. Our focus may shift from raising children and building
our careers. We may pull back a bit and reassess our values and priorities. Some people greet their
40s and 50s as a time to take risks and seize new opportunities. Others may find this period to be confusing,
even distressing. They may feel they’ve slipped off the track and aren’t sure how to get back on.
Often, men and women view midlife differently. Researchers have found that men tend to become more in
touch with their spiritual and nurturing side as they reach middle age. Women often become more
independent and adventurous. While many couples find themselves developing new interests together
in middle age, others may fall out of synch and begin to drift apart.
Why men and women view midlife differently
The difference in attitude toward aging may be due in part to hormonal changes.
he hormone estrogen decreases in women during middle age, while the overall percentage
of testosterone increases. Men, however, produce less testosterone as they age. So while overall
drive increases in women, it wanes in men. Some researchers say there’s also a psychological
component to the different views toward aging. Women whose focus in younger years was parenting
may welcome their children’s growing independence and look forward to using their time and energy
for other interests. They may throw themselves into their careers, return to school, or embark
on totally new endeavors, such as starting a business or pursuing a long-held passion.
Women also tend to have stronger social networks than do men. Their ties to the community and
close friendships are a source of emotional support, helping them through midlife challenges,
such as coping with aging parents, accepting their own advancing years, and coming to terms with their
diminishing parenting roles. Men tend to be less skilled at connecting socially and are more at risk
of becoming increasingly isolated as they grow older.
Growing as a couple in midlife
But many couples find ways to become closer and face the challenges
-- and joys -- of midlife together. At midlife, many people find themselves eager to break free
of old patterns. Talk as a couple about the changes you are going through. Treat this time as an
opportunity to redefine what you both want and need at this phase of life so you can continue to
grow together as a couple.
Recognize that it’s OK to change roles and responsibilities. One of you may decide to cut back on
work responsibilities while the other may gear up to work full time or go back to school.
These changes are a vital part of continuing to grow as an individual and a couple.
Realize that if your previous focus was on parenting, you may need to make an effort to redefine your relationship.
The parenting years can be hectic. Many couples get so caught up in parenting and family life that they
neglect their couple relationship. It takes time to adjust to not being a full-time, day-in-and-day-out parent,
and it often requires finding new ways of being together.
Pay attention to how you communicate. One study found that couples can stay close by spending as little
as 20 minutes a day simply talking to each other. Give one another praise, support, and encouragement.
Make a point of saying “I love you,” every day. Be physically affectionate with each other.
Talk about goals and future plans. Midlife is a time to review past priorities and set new goals.
What goals do you have for your family, friendships, and the future? Making plans and reaffirming your
values can renew your sense of purpose as a couple.
Have a strong commitment to making your relationship work. Many couples start out with a strong commitment
to their relationship but, after a while, begin to give it less attention. Accept that having a good relationship
takes work, especially in middle age when the old ways of doing things may no longer apply.
Above all, greet midlife as a time when you and your partner are committed to growing together, to break out
of old roles and try new things. Celebrate your years together and look forward to new adventures in the future.
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