Wheelnanddealin Heres Your Sign
NUMBER ONE IDIOT OF 2004
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology
at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset
because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter
some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter
into the emergency room right away.
IDIOT!
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
NUMBER TWO IDIOT OF 2004
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting
it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the
river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon
that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
NUMBER THREE IDIOT OF 2004
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a
downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote
"this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.
While standing in line, waiting to give his
note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him
write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's
window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells
Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that
he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could
not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of
America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells
Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat
defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later,
as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
NUMBER FOUR IDIOT OF 2004
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash
in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well,
but the cashier refused and said, because I don't believe you are over
21. "
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him. At that point, the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the
Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign!
IDIOT NUMBER FIVE OF 2004
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.
IDIOT NUMBER SIX OF 2004
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would be thief
on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window
was made of plexiglass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
Oh, that smarts.
Give him his sign.
IDIOT NUMBER SEVEN OF 2004
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open
the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.
Sign please.
Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote,
(and breed). Yikes!
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