Special
Tattoo
A man went to the tattoo parlor and had the words "yes" and
"no" tattooed on his penis. When he got home that night, he approached his wife
in their bedroom. He stripped off his pants and shorts, revealing his aroused
organ and its new tattoo.
"What do you think, honey?" he asked his wife.
Deliberately she said, "You tell me how to cook, you tell me how to clean
the house, you tell me how to do the laundry... and now you're going to put words
in my mouth?"
Money in the Bank
The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded
$20 for their first lovemaking encounter.
In his highly aroused state,
he readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love
for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes,
etc.
Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very
drunken state. Over the next few minutes she heard of the ravages of financial
ruin caused by corporate down sizing and it's effects on a 50 year old executive.
Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits and interest for 12 years
totaling nearly $1 million dollars.
Pointing across the parking lot
she gestured toward the local bank while handing him stock certificates worth
nearly $2 million dollars and informing him that he was the largest stockholder
in the bank. She told him that for 30 years she had charged him each time they
had sex, and this was the result of her investments.
By now he was distraught
and beating his head against the side of the car.
She asked him why the
disappointment at such good news and he replied, "If I had known what you were
doing, I would have given you all of my business!"
Super Granny - Defender Of Justice
An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car,
she found four males in the act of leaving with her car! She
dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,preceded to scream
at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to
use it! Get out of the car, you scumbags!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and
ran like mad, where upon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to
load her shopping bags in the back of the car and went back and
got into the driver's seat.
She was so shaken up that she couldn't get her key into the
ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why!
A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five
spaces further down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove
to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in
two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter,
where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad
elderly woman described as white, less than 5 feet tall, glasses,
and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
An amateur translator from English to Japanese happened to find a
temporary job. The first he has to do is this; " Go the extra mile.
It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker."
Because the Japanese translator does not have a sense to understand
the above, his work in Japanese reads; "Don't go the extra mile, or
it reveals you as an incompetent slacker like your boss."
